Balance for better

On this beautiful international women’s day, I want to talk about standards, and how they relate to gender.

Let’s start with sexuality. Where I’m from, it’s a common thing to expect girls to keep our virginity until marriage, I don’t have a problem with this…. My religious beliefs support it. My problem with it is that we don’t expect the same of our boys.

Why do they get to explore their sexuality, while I keep my legs closed tight like I’m hiding something. Why would I tell my daughter not to indulge the sexual urges blossoming in her body and behave like it’s OK for my son to do the total opposite.

Why would I give my daughter the idea that sex is something that’s done to her and not something she’s an active partner in.

Why do we slut shame the girl and praise the boy. Slut shaming is wrong, but if we’re going to do it, then it should be balanced. And if we’re praising one person, we should be praising the other person. I always say this, “He didn’t sleep with her, she slept with him too, Sex is a balanced physical activity with 2 equal participants“.

Why would you call a girl cheap because she has been with a lot of boys when you’ve been with enough women to make up a football league. Or you, judging another woman because she has been with more men that you. Are you not a hypocrite like this?.

And even if you’re absolutely celibate, that’s your choice, don’t judge anyone else for what they choose to use their bodies for. Jesus kuku said it “he who is without sin cast the first stone”.

Sleeping with a girl is not, and has never ever been an achievement!!!, anyone that thinks they deserve praise for doing a simple biological activity is a chronic fool. You don’t deserve praise because your penis works bro.

These things don’t apply to only boys, girls are also one of the biggest reasons why our sexuality is still kept under wraps like a dirty secret. We don’t reprimand these boys when they say these degrading things about other girls, sometimes we’re even the first ones on the slut shame wagon.

I know, it’s our culture, we have been conditioned all our lives to think this way, to think that sexual intercourse is some kind of stain on our dignity, our worth. We have been raised to judge any woman that refuses to conform to these ideals.

We don’t raise our sons to respect females and treat them as equals, we burden our daughters with responsibilities and let our sons go free. We tell our girls that their bodies don’t belong to them, we objectify them and turn their sexuality into a dirty thing.

I’d say more, but I have to go.

In conclusion, if we’re going to expect sexual restraint from our girls, then the same level of control should be expected of our boys.

The standards should be balanced.

The next blog post will be about standards and assumptions in academia and the professional world, and how they relate to gender.

With love,

A very sleepy Aderonke

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