The most embarrassing day ever

Mummy if by some unfortunate twist of fate you’re reading this. This story is about another Ronke, the day this happened I was reading my Bible and meditating.

It was a cold harmattan night…… Or not, I can’t remember. Our heroine( whose name is Ronke and who just happens to be the same age as me but is not me) was 16 years old and had just gotten admlitted into university.

To make it easier for me to tell this story….. I’ll write it like it happened to me, but remember that it did not happen to me( is anyone buying this?).

So I was new on campus, after boarding school and staying at home under supervision always. University was a lot of freedom that I didn’t know how to use. So I started out holy and innocent, until the DAY.

It was my friend’s birthday and he decided to have a small party somewhere in school, I had never gone to a real party in my entire life ( childhood birthday parties with my Mom don’t count) so I was super excited to experiment.

I and my friends showed up at the party like

Turn up bitches!!!!

We got to the party and went straight to the drinking part (you bet your ass we weren’t drinking soda). I had never drunk alcohol before, but I was choking down cups and cups of McDowell’s like it was orange juice.

Drunkard goals

While I was doing all this drinking, I was sitting down. So after 3 cups of McDowell’s, I didn’t know that I was drunk, until I decided to get up and dance. The world started twisting about and dancing salsa with me.

But I was ontop of the world and dancing and laughing like a fool.

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeee

So I kept drinking, and dancing, and laughing.

It wasn’t embarrassing yet, until I started trying to remove my jeans. But those damn jeans were just too tight, and my friends wouldn’t let me take it off.

At this point, I was conscious, but I couldn’t control my body, I was forced to watch myself embarrass my entire lineage. Alcohol took my usual irresponsible character (this was a lot at that time) and tripled it.

A lot of things happened that night, things that I am choosing to forget because a girl can only take so much embarrassment.

Like I hadn’t embarrassed myself enough.

My body decided that it couldn’t take anymore, so I started vomiting. There’s no pretty way to hurl your guts, but it wasn’t pretty.

At this point, my glasses were gone, my dignity was somewhere in the circles of hell and I couldn’t lift even a single finger

It was time to go back to the hostel, but I couldn’t walk, so all the boys took turns carrying me like a sack of beans. When I say all the boys….. I mean like 15 boys.

It looked worse than this

I don’t know how I got to my room, but I woke up on the floor the next morning.

Everytime I remember this story, I want to crawl under my bed and never show my face again

Yours in embarrassment.

XOXO, Aderonke

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